Attachment is one of the biggest themes in adoption, without it there will always be a feeling of did something go wrong. There are so many variables that make up attachment. Some are in your control as an adoptive parent and others are not. They may include the level of trauma or deprivation prior to the adoption. It could mean the level of attunement between the child and parents. This is the ability to connect internally with feelings and needs. Patience and understanding are of great importance here, for some adoptees this can be a long time struggle that rears it’s head at different times in the development cycle. A difficult attachment seems easier to understand if it is an older adoption the longer a child is not with their adoptive family the more chance for trauma. It can also be a struggle for an infant to attachment. It could mean to the parent that they are doing something wrong when they do not feel as connected as they thought they would. The parent tries to positively interact with their child and at times the child responds ambivalent, hostile or resistant. An adoptive child comes with their own history that will be different from your history. It is important to acknowledge this difference in temperament and level of need. It also makes similarities more powerful and helps the child better understand who they are and where they came from.
Attachment is a continuous process that happens throughout the life cycle it is the basis for all human connection. In its simplest terms. We have a need, we express it through behavior, there is an intervention to meet that need you relax feel heard and cared for. This makes the world a safe place and you feeling cared for and important. The parent also gets emotional needs met. The joy of caring for a loved one, knowing their child, and watching them grow healthy and happy. If there are attachment problems there are many tools to help both the parents and child. These tools will be different depending the age and both the child and the parent’s needs. We can talk about them and implement a plan to help and build attachment and hope.
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